When I was little, I held my hands up
and there was always a bigger pair
there to pick me up, raise me up
Dark and cold both accumulate near the ground
but I had found
a path to heaven, now forgotten
as the earth turns 'round;
So overcome by confusion, how...?
I can't cast my demons out
one devil still pulls me down
off the earth and off my gentle cloud
I lay upon the ground,
bloodied, broken, beaten down
and lament my fate, silenced now
He recalls his immoralities as if
they were someone else's little slips
and though his words have scarred me
much deeper than any knife or whip
he parades through town, a man, a god
going on about life as
The virus was quick
It deleted my soul
Through fibers and tubes
Each word I sent,
Each line I received,
Broken down into bits and bytes
Ones and zeros
Corrupted by machines and
Rife with user error
The virus corroded my software
And implanted its virtual DNA in my mind
I open up pages searching
...Searching...
Trying desperately to find help
But there is no Wikipedia with information
No help hotline to call for virus removal
And I
Blue screen of death every time I remember
The worry inside
The virus that rewrites my code
And maliciously
Wants to infect everyone around me
As it waits for my inevitable shut down
Lost in ancient winter
white as memory where time cannot reach
snowy, starving owls screech and chide me for my soul
so weak yet anxious to destroy
everything I ever hoped to hold
Caught in painful limbo
as silent as a mountain
dead as any life could be
I shove another demon down my throat
dig myself another, deeper hole
choke myself with frostbitten hands and
inhale the snow
Feigning resilient apathy, I cough up blood
and stare down at the sun from this black hole
caught myself starting to drown in scarlet ice
so I shoved my face through the freezing cold
as the snowflakes fall down and bury me in white
I wish I could cut my emotions
as easily as I cut my hair.
I wish I could change myself
like the outfits that I wear.
I wish joy was easy to find
like the rest in falling asleep.
I wish feeling insecure
was just a far-fetched bad dream.
But this is my ineptitude
and I can't unlearn myself.
I can't undo my neural paths
or the damage they have dealt.
And I fear I'm caving in
and my ruse is falling apart
-I can't hide the ache
that's swelling in my heart.
A whisper breaks the quiet night
A nudge from subtle hands-
Voices swish and swirl around
And calculate and plan
I stare into my mourning eyes,
As morning burns down to noon,
And pass the rolling world around
Alone inside my gloom
I stare at the face she blessed me with
But, broken, I do confound
Beauty with an ugliness
And in this 'loss', I drown
I hate the things I cannot change
My nose, my hair, my face
I plot and plan myself, all day
An escape from my disgrace
Oh, I can be a peach for a while
But alas, I always decay:
One voice, one whisper, a nudge from Them
Relapses my old ways
It's sad, this world we struggle through
Because never
My mouth is sewn shut with a soft pink ribbon
My eyes hide their venom behind
voluminous lashes
I curl my fingers 'round my
dislocated jawbone
and twist and pull those joints-
those nerves which
forgot how to hold shape or
form words
It wears on me like
an itchy, old sweater,
as he paces the room with his questions
and his answers
My jaw should be set and
hard as a mountain;
my lips should be trembling and
forming my outrage
But I'm sewn like a doll-y
with pink ribbons and stitches-
a smile on a mannequin-
some beauty from her silence
I cannot fathom why I've come undone
But more so, why I
have chosen to sew these
frayed and exhausted par
I contemplate the blue sky over me
as I wait and shake the nerves in me
I can't believe I managed to hurt you this way
Sunset on a fading day and I
try to somehow reconcile
the stupid things I've learned to be,
lately
And I don't know how to say I'm sorry
I'd never heard those words before
They always left me on the dirty floor
Taught that I was just convenient fun
Or a shoulder to cry on til the pain was done
I only learned to hate myself
and never trust anyone else
So I am sorry
This really isn't me
I guess the world's gotten into me
warped the pages of my memory
til I could only see 'EMERGENCY'
And it corroded me with anxiety
I never u
I have been stagnating
And drifting down still waters
Crunching bones and mud beneath my toes;
I retch in murky pools of thought,
Then with nothing else left to drink
I simply
Lap it up again
I have been decomposing
On soft beds and in big leather chairs
Worms wriggle their way into my wonderment
And leave holes in my will to live, I am
No longer composing symphonies
On the laptop keyboard,
No longer am I
Making music with my misshapen words
My thoughts have been deteriorating
Like aging metal in the backyard,
Some long-forgotten remains from
A childhood too short to count
I reach down to salvage scraps and
Cut my trembling fingers
I sc
The demon stares at me,
messy, dark hair and red-rimmed
black eyes reflecting a million images of myself
in the mirror, back at me
It sits there on my shoulder
and I wonder how long I have been living half-alive
and my eyes sting with unspilled tears
as I struggle to remember who I was even a week ago
It's myself I can't recall, and other memories disappear
and the mirror doesn't reflect me anymore
all I can see is the
demon in my own eyes, its black eyes
watching me watch myself
I try to pretend but the happy-face-grin doesn't feel right
and I can barely sustain it, and I
am forgetting how to be human, how to
interact with others and how t
She held a withered rose,
Pressed it gently to her nose;
Inhaled slightly, closed her eyes,
And wished to turn back time.
Her hubris had turned to bile-
A bitter stain upon her smile-
And it ate through each excuse
Until remained the ugly truth:
She thought that she could see
And plan for each contingency,
But when the day arrived,
No rosy bloom survived.
It is too late to say goodbye,
So she mourns the loss of time
And scorns the path she chose
As she cradles the broken rose.